Failure.

i have no idea what I'm going to write about. i just took a shower and i had nothing to do. i finished my book and i have no homework. i probably should study for biology, but i didn't take any notes today. smart me. i know. anyways, i figured why not write a blog? i haven't written one in like two days maybe three. I'm not to sure,either way it's been awhile since I've written. so yeah.
"Break me down if it makes you feel right, and hate me now if it keeps you alright. You can't break me down if it takes all your might because I'm so much more than all your lies."
that's my favorite part of the song. sdfghgfds! i feel really shitty and i just wanna die right now because I'm sure it wouldn't be this miserable. i officially had it with my life. sleeping sounds good right now but all I've done this week is sleep, that's how shitty i feel. I've slept at least 55 hours this week, but i don't sleep i kinda just lay there I'm not really asleep but I'm not awake, it's like I'm 'dead'. I'm even starting to do really bad in school. in the beginning of the year i was doing really well. now I'm barley passing any of my classes, and it's really stress full because my mom puts so much pressure on me to be good and not turn out like my dad or brother. she wants me to be the "first kelems to go to graduate from college, she'd be so proud.' she has that like drilled in my head, but in the back of my head i know I'll never get in a college, not a good one at least. Then I'll be a disappointment to her, which sucks. as for my dad, he doesn't care what i do, i know this because he moved 564 miles away from his kids and he doesn't even call. I'm lucky if i talk to him once a month. It sucks because i haven't seen him in almost a year and i miss him, and he's not that healthy and my worst fear is him dying and me not being able to say 'goodbye'. sometimes i feel like I'm totally alone like I'm an orphan? my moms always working and my dad's gone and my brothers got his own life now. it's like if i was 'gone' would anyone notice? or care?

[seether - break me down, three days grace - wake up]