Virgin Mobile! O=

Ok, so once again I haven't written anything in awhile, because nothing really happened.

Midterms started, so far I took english, history, geometry, and algebra.
Tomarrow I gotta take frencah and biology and then I'm off to Florida!
I'm really nerves though french and biology are the two hardest classes and I haven't studied at all!

Anyways, I've been really depressed lately and I want to do *something* but I know I shouldn't.




I dont't know anymore.

Sweetblood.

I havn't wrote anything on here in awhile.
So, I don't really know where to start.

Oh, so I got a personal trainer. I'm excited and everything because it's like "yay! I'll hopefully not be huge soon." Then at the same time it's not cool 'cause he's mean. He yells at me alot. ]:

I was talking to this kid today and we got into this conversation about this girl and he said some stuff and I felt bad, but not because I'm like super close with her, but just because what he said was mean and I wouldn't want someone saying stuff like that about me ( but I wouldn't blame them if they did).

Midterms are soon, meaning Florida's soon, meaning my birthdays soon, meaning I'm almost sixteen, meaning I can almost get my permit, meaning I can almost drive, meaning I'm super pumped!

My brother's got to go to court tomarrow!
Stuff like this makes me happy.
LMAO!

Glass.

Blogging has been my addiction lately.

Last night my brother stayed here, and his girlfriend is/was here so me and my mom are guessing that she stayed over too. My moms like freakin' out. She's like "Do you think Nicole was here? Did they sleep in the same bed? I don't want to ask him that would be weird"

It's my cousin's birthday. She's three! So:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JADE!

This is going to be short, because I'm going to go get hair dye so I could fix my roots![:

Yes, we're losers.[:

Dayum!

I feel like writing a blog. I'm just not sure what to write about.

I'm lonely. I don't want to be lonely anymore. I could not be lonely but there's a problem with that, but I can't say it on here because I don't want someone reading this and being like "Wow! Your a terrible person." or something like that. So, I guess I'll just stick with being lonely.
I don't know if that makes any since, but I tried my best to explain it.

I'm almost sixteen. I can't wait to get my permit so I could get my license. Then I could actually leave when I can't stand the people in my house ( which is VERY often ). I'm so into going to college and stuff, but that's just because I want to leave here. My mom was trying to get me to think about going to a college here ( I know it's a while away, but I keep saying I want to go somewhere far for college ) but I don't want to be here.

I'm going to the store. Peace.

You're my Heroine

"She sits alone, tries to adjust
She cries please let me go I won't tell anyone
You scream don't look, oh please god don't touch"

I have this thing with songs, I listen to a song and I love it. So, I listen to it for like a week straight, then I'm over it. Right now my song is 'Guys like you make us look bad - Bless the Fall'. Above are lyrics from it just in case you were curious. Not to long ago I was obsessed with 'Waking the Demon - Bullet for My Valentine'. I wonder what I'm going to be into when we go to Florida, because whatever it is Nichole and my mom are going to be hearing it a lot![:

Speaking of Florida, it's super soon. Which is a good thing, because I'm not sure if i can stand the people in Connecticut that much longer. I honestly have no patience anymore. I've flipped on so many people in the past week, but I actually feel better because of it.

Midterms were pushed back to the Tuesday after Martin Luther King Jr. Day. So, now midterms are Tuesday through Friday. Which is good, but also bad. With the way the schedule used to be I had a four day weekend next week, but we had very little time to prepare for midterms. With the way it is now we have lots of extra time to study, but the last day of midterms (Friday) is the day were leaving for Florida. Since, I have gym 7Th and Nichole goes to ECA neither of us will be missing midterms, so that's good.

OHEMGEE! The D E N T I S T the scariest place on earth. I had an appointment yesterday to apparently get a tooth pulled, I thought I was just going to get a cavity filled. Anyways, long story short, I was there for two hours, I got two of my poor little teeth drilled on, one pulled, and eight shots! I was in so much pain last night the whole way home I cried![: So, now I'm drugged up on pain pills, I can't eat on that side of my mouth, and it looks like it's bruised ( my cheek ).

Today before first period I was talking to Nichole and Melissa and we were talking about anxiety. I didn't know what it was, well I knew what it was but not what it felt like, so Nichole was trying to explain it to me. And I realized that I've had anxiety before, many times![:

I feel like taking a myspace survey, because it gives me something to do. Except right now I'm not in the mood to post one.[:

Oh! I redid my blog layout thing![:
It excites me so much more the way it is now, because apparently everyone has a black background thing. So, I decided to go against the crowd ( sort of like when your in the ocean and the waves are going one way and the going the other ).

This week I haven't slept a lot, and I'm really tired. So, I'm sorta thinking about taking a little nap, then cleaning my room, then I don't know. Plans?[:

Incapable.

People make me wanna S C R E A M !
..very loud..
..till my lungs collapse.

Hallelujah!?

Lately, I've been so depresed?
Sometimes I feel so invisible. I feel like no one even notices that I'm alive. Those are the times I actually feel ok.
Then there's other times when I'm the center of attention, but never in a good way. The only time I'm noticed by people is when I do something wrong.
I'm on the edge of breaking down.

All I want is _ _ _ _. The one thing I can never have. It hurts knowing you can never have something that you want so bad.

Today my moms friend went to go clean her dads house and help him out ( he's really old ). When she got there she woke him up he ate breakfast watched a little TV and went back to sleep she woke him up a few hours later and he stayed up for an hour then went back to bed and a couple hours after that she woke him up and asked him why he's been sleeping so much, and he said "I'm just getting ready to die, it's going to happen soon." I thought that was one of the saddest things I've heard in awhile.

Midterms are soon, which makes me evern more stressed out than normal. It's also sorta good knowing the year is half way over and right after midterms I'm going to florida. [:
Then I come back and get my permit. [:




I want to run away.

I'm Dying to Live.

I was on myspace then I just had this 'craving' to write a blog. Now, that I'm actually writing one I have no idea what to write.

I just found out that we have no school tomarrow. Then I found out we do have school, but than someones like "no, we really don't", and another persons like "no we do." So, I'm just going to say we do. Which sucks because it's almost 10 and I have so much homework I didn't even start yet. Good right?

Well, I probably should stop writing this so I could finish my homework and sleep, but I can't. Blogging is like an addiction.

I ordered an Escape the Fate t-shirt from hottopic.com and it's supposed to be here soon. I can't wait. I also got this braclet and eye shadow. I really want that shirt.

Escape the Fate is GOD.
Speaking of EtF, I do miss Ronnie. Everyone keeps saying that EtF is over because Ronnie got kicked out, but I still think there awesome. Yes, I do miss it with Ronnie, and I'll always kind of like the old Etf better, but there still amazing with Craig he was a really good choice. As long as Max is in it I'm happy. [:

That's it.

Something's in the air!?

I'm scarred. I don't even know why. I just have this strange urge to cry.
I wanna start over, start a new life somewhere else.

I've been thinking about my dad alot lately. I really miss him. So.. I haven't seen him for a year and 18 days. This is stupid but Christmas I was so excited because he was supposed to call but he didn't and at first I was like "whatever, no big deal", but than my brother told me my dad called him and that really hurt. He hasn't called me since, the last time I talked to him was November.
I wish he never moved. Sometimes, when I'm bored I got to call my dad to come get me, but than I remember he's in texas, and I start to hate him for leaving me like he did. My dad was like the only person who actually understood me. I miss him!
My mom thinks that I don't care, like it didn't affect me at all. Oh, but trust me it does. It's like what happened when my parents got divorced. I would cry myself to sleep everynight for years. Well, it's happening again. I don't even know why I'm writing this on here. Although, it does feel good to just get it all out.

Another thing that really gets to me is when pretty people say there ugly when they honestly know there not, or even worse when thin people say there fat. It's like "Well, if yer fat than what the hell am I?"

It's eleven pm. I need to go to sleep but I can't I wanna keep writing, but I know if I do I'll regret it in the morning. I hate waking up at 5:30 to get ready and still look like crap. Then spend 6 lovely hours in a hell they call high school. I have no patience for that school or anyone in it anymore. Luckily tomarrow I have double biology, so I could relax and maybe study a little for midterms?
Speaking of midterms.. I'm going to fail those. I'm 100% sure about that.
Hey, technically it's not eleven et it's ten fifty-five. So I have five more minutes to write something.

I've been feeling really sick lately. I get really dizzy and I shake alot, my fingers get realy cold, but the rest of my body is burning up. I feel like i'm gonna get sick and my head is throbbing. It's probably just a cold or something, but it's been like this for two weeks. Except today it was really bad. When ever I started walking I could barely even see straight. Then I had to attempt to play volleyball in gym. Yeah, that didn't go so well.

I'm almost sixteen, that means I get my permit soon. My mom said I could when we get back from Florida, but she said if I get my permit than I have to get a job. So, I'm not to excited about that.

One last thing, I wanna get married. I wanna fall in love get married and live happily ever after with my husband. I WANNA FALL IN LOVE!
To bad it doesn't exist. |:

Crank.

I wanna leave this 'place'.
My plan is to graduate from seymour high, than move to ohio and go to OSU. ( that's all i got at the moment.)

I've been thinking alot about it though, and as much as i say "i want out" and "i'm gonna leave." Deep down I know i won't be able to. I'll graduate and probably end up going to southern like every other kid from seymour and living at home for possibly the rest of my fuckin' life.
..and that scares the crap outta me.
Right now my grades arn't that good and no matter how much i try they don't seem to be changing. I'm actually starting to listen to everyone when they tell me that i'm never gonna get anywhere.
I wanna be a vet and open my own animal shelter, but you know how friggin' smart you need to be to do that?
I don't wanna turn out like my dad or brother, i mean i love them to death, but they didn't / arn't doing anything with there lives. My dad is a high school drop out. My brother made it through high school but couldn't even get into a college. Now he works in a garage and lives at home still.
This blog probably makes no since, but it's basicly just me saying that no matter how bad i want to get out.. i know i'll never be able to and that's scary.

Kids Against Drunks<3

New years eve we decided to make a video about drunk driving?

HAPPY NEW YEARS!

so, it's new years day / night 2009!
that means florida, my birfday, and the concert are that much closer. [:
ahh! i honestly can't wait i'm so excited. So i learned how to blog from my phone, but the blogs are gonna be really short which sucks, but i'll just fix them when i come on here. [:
so i'm just rambling now. i gues i'm done.